SPRINGDALE, OH—In what city officials are calling “a bold step toward community cohesion and decorative uniformity,” the Springdale City Council voted unanimously Tuesday to mandate that every household within city limits must own at least one decorative throw pillow by January 1, 2025.
The ordinance, dubbed the “Soft Aesthetics Act,” stipulates that pillows must be displayed in a visible living room area and “reflect a household’s willingness to contribute to a visually harmonious municipal landscape.” Offenders face a $75 fine or, upon repeated violations, enrollment in a mandatory beginner’s crochet class.
“Too long have our couches remained barren, cold, and uninviting,” said Councilwoman Diane Kessler, who introduced the bill. “Throw pillows are more than just accessories. They are symbols of hospitality, stability, and in many ways, democracy itself.”
Residents will be given a six-month grace period to purchase their pillows, which must measure no smaller than 16 x 16 inches. According to the text of the ordinance, approved designs include solid colors, floral patterns, inspirational quotes in cursive fonts, and anything involving sequins “provided they are tasteful.” The use of body pillows as substitutes will not be accepted.
Local businesses have already begun capitalizing on the mandate. HomeGoods announced extended hours to manage the expected surge in pillow buyers, while Target unveiled its “Civic Pride Cushion Collection,” featuring Springdale’s skyline embroidered across pastel backgrounds. Meanwhile, Walmart released an official statement reminding shoppers that “no one will be judged, but some people will absolutely go overboard with tassels.”
The Springdale Chamber of Commerce hailed the initiative as a boost to the economy, projecting a 340% increase in pillow-related spending. “We expect pillows to eclipse corn dogs as our number-one State Fair attraction,” said economic analyst Mark Zwieg. “This will put Springdale on par with any major U.S. metropolitan area where fabric-based comfort objects are mandatory.”
Not all citizens are pleased. Local resident Greg Howell criticized the law, saying, “What happened to freedom? Next thing you know they’ll be telling us how many coasters we have to own.” Howell added that he currently places a single kitchen towel on his couch “for emergencies” and sees no need for further embellishments.
Some residents, however, have already gone above and beyond compliance. “I own 47 throw pillows, each themed for a different mood and lunar cycle,” said yoga instructor Claire Dunbar, who lobbied for stricter pillow quotas. “If we’re serious about community healing, one pillow per household is frankly inadequate.”
The City Council has not ruled out future amendments, including proposed regulations around blanket throws, scented candles, and a more controversial measure requiring at least one seasonal doormat swap every quarter.
Officials assure enforcement will remain “reasonable,” noting that police officers will not conduct surprise inspections, though the law does allow “pillow checkpoints” during major holidays.
At press time, several surrounding towns confirmed they are considering similar legislation, with the city of Marston reportedly drafting a bill that would ban secondhand pillow purchases, citing the “unknown emotional history” attached to pre-owned cushions.